I love my nephew!!

He is getting soooo darn big and he is only a month old! He can hold his head up like no other one month old I have ever seen! When he lays on your chest he'll lift up his head and look at you its soooooooooo cute!

So obviously, im not pregnant. Nope. So onto cycle #3.

It is so freaking cold today -2 degrees!! holy moly! It hurts to be outside...literally! lol My fingers get so cold just from walking from the door to the car that it hurts when I open the door!

Is January a stressful month for anyone else? There are so many bills due and things to get together for taxes it is stressing me out like crazy! Subdivision dues, personal property taxes, my sales tax on my new car, a medical bill I have from going to the er last month, a speeding ticket (oopsie! my own fault) all of these things are due before then end of January! Haha! No big deal its just so much I feel like im gonna forget something!! Just these things alone totals like $2100!! Oh, the joys of being an adult!!

Okay this post was all over the place sorry!

Im so scared....

either way. Im scared that when I test tomorrow or Friday either 1) I wont be pregnant. Which will totally be devastating. or 2) I will be pregnant (which I will be ecstatic about) but I will be sooooo scared to miscarry again. Why is life so difficult? Ive been having lots of symptoms, but I never really go by that because I think my body wants symptoms so bad that it creates them. But here is what I have been having.

-VERY frequent urination since 6DPO
-Lots of cramping/pulling feelings starting at 8DPO
-Fatigue starting yesterday 9DPO
-Backache yesterday at 9DPO

So we'll see, I just cant wait to test. I want to know. And I want it to be + so bad!

I got my mommy car!!!!

Now i just need to be a mommy.......




I think its so cute! I love it! I love having a brand new car that im the first person to own!! :) Now, if I could only get pregnant everything will be perfect. At least I think i o'd this past Sunday! That would be great!! I want to be due in September soooooooo bad!!!!

I may be getting a new car this weekend

When I got pregnant I really started looking into a 4-door car or an SUV. We are going to go looking around Friday because we are both off of work. It will be a good head start now if I do get pregnant soon again. I really want an suv, but there is this one car that I want a Pontiac G6... I think their so cute! We shall see!

My sister is loving being a mommy by the way! She looks awesome and has already lost 29lbs in 2 weeks! She loves waking up with him and feeding him, its so cute my little sister is a mommy and a great one at that! I cant wait for that we were so excited for Aden to have a little cousin so close in age...I hope this cycle or next cycle I get pregnant again.

Please let me ovulate...

That is all I have to say. Please let everything be back to normal with my body and let me ovulate this cycle. That is all I want for Christmas.

Its over

It was too good to be true. Ive been crying constantly for about 24hrs now. At first when I started bleeding I was thinking that I still had hope, that it could be okay. My sister told me she bled a lot with her son in the very beggining of her pregnancy. But when last night came, and the bleeding got really bad I knew there was no way a healthy pregnancy could come out of this. I dont know how to deal with this, I am so sad, upset, hurt, angry and every other emotion. I dont want to go to work, or even get out of bed. How do I go on? They say to give my body "rest" and dont try again for at LEAST a month. How am I supposed to wait again for something I have wanted so long? And something I waited for Jason to be ready to do for a year? And even if I were to get pregnant again, I know I will be a nervous wreck waiting out the first few weeks, actually probably the whole first trimester. I just want to be pregnant now. Not in 2 more months. The most sad thing is (and sitting here about to type it thinking of it, is making me cry) last night Jason was kissing my belly and saying "stay with us baby bean" "we love you" and then slept with his hand on my belly all night. This is the worst feeling I have ever felt in my entire life.

I'm still in shock! I've been having lots of pulling/stretching type feelings today. Like baby is really trying to find a comfy spot in there! Its so cute to me, thats dorky i know! ;) Im just so happy. I dont know how I am going to hold off until at least Christmas to tell everyone, I just want to go outside and yell "I'm pregnant!!!". So we'll see how that goes, or if I end up telling everyone early. Okay, Jason and I are off to dinner!!!